thoughts to words

  Sadness engulfs me, the smell of rain   the shiver that comes with the cold rush feeds into my soul I shudder a little, tears freely fall I’m reminded of every word, every touch, every whisper I feel naked, used and abused Reality always did move as it pleased longing for a touch, a genuine touch A freeze in time for it to last forever Dreams rarely come true, heartfelt moments disappear as vapor   Like a lone tree, with shriveled up leaves, I continue to wallow in my sadness   moving how the wind pleases, bracing the merciless rain drops   Nothing to cover my shame, no shadow of color   I bleed, I bleed with sorrow How then did life get to this, how then can I rise from the ashes?   Bernice Alela

Its started again, she whispers. The constant reminder that all was not well, he is at it again. You see she knew of the past lovers knew how his demeanor changed when he'd met an attractive loose girl..she used the term loose lightly..as there was never a time she denied him..unless she was unclean. He had his way any day..yet he still strayed, despite her beauty, her intellect, her poise..he still strayed. He was the problem., she said in a sigh. After much scrutiny on her side,he was the issue. She always supported,cared offered all a girl should. What was the one thing she kept close..caution maybe She was not one to throw it in the wind but when they met..she did, even as she fell in-love with him..she did! Even for the days he forgot he had her, she stayed put.. In all honesty he wanted an adventure she thought he was all the adventure she needed. He wanted a woman..wasn't she one in her own right? He wanted the fast and easy but kept her at an arms length..for wh

It has been a long time, years actually since I penned my thoughts down. I think I needed to grow out in some areas and with growth comes pain. pain creeps up on you, and just stays there. for me it came in all areas, mentally, socially emotionally, physically. It was a period in my life where I got hurt emotionally by people I had come to trust, and I had just got some life changing news. To be real honest I was alone. So I hurt deeply, growth and maturity comes with rediscovery of self. It took me a long time to just let it happen in order for me to heal. It took a toll on me and I was on the verge of depression, bitterness and i couldn't understand how my life had turned upside now. Time does make it easier and i have given myself a lot of that. The important thing for me was to move along with the change and be able to adjust and now that I know that, I adjust accordingly everyday as change truly is inevitable. So I am now a mom,this is one of the reasons I've been on a

Yes, i came to that conclusion after much thought.. you only live once,  make the most of it,really. Not to pass on reckless notions but enjoy what you have, the present. Aint nothing better than enjoying damn good pizza ladden with cheese and carbs..heck buy new jeans the next day. Am somewhat petite, and for the longest time ive been fixed on some pair of jeans that used to fit just right but i lost weight for some reason and they dont fit anymore..i could swear i ate pounds of beef and the like and realised, my body functions in its on way. I eat healthy most of the time, my sister wouldnt say so but i think i do. :-) Lets not miss the point here, am writing this to remind not only myself but others like me who are on course to accept what is with their body image. Imperfections are inevitable but beautiful and create a work of art so unique. Confidence starts from the inside and flows outwards, to how you walk, talk and behave. Wrapping a package. As a young woman, and i us

The shiver hits, tears drop, reality dawns, heart beats, frantic, the rocking back and forth begins, No one to hold, I surf the waves alone, I slowly taste the water, I gulp, I take it in, the fight in me,slowly fades a bitter sweet release, my flesh gives in, my eyes flutter as they shut, I say a prayer, and wish forever. As i breathe my last, I feel his hands on me, holding so tenderly, grabbing so fiercly, I open my eyes, but am done, i say in my head, I see him shake his head as if he heard, I feel the splash, He cares, He has me in his arms,close to his chest, He holds on to me as we surf the wave to shore, He whispers,'you are loved'. Bernice.

Remember a time when christmas meant shopping for new clothes, preparing meals like chapati, and going back to the country to visit the grandparents? I always looked forward to such, the road trips were my favourite, Although being the last born of three, i'd have to settle for the middle seat and suffer through break-necking angles trying to view the scenery. The snacks made the journey more bearable. Imagine sitting through an eight hour drive, with only one stop over. Yes as i look back now my parents were determined, the noise we made and of course being couped up like that the fights were plenty. I remember each of the trips, the memories is what keeps me looking forward each year even though each of us has gone seperate ways. The carols we sang on the road trips remain in my heart, maybe because i remember my dad  humming while we sang over the radio, each of us off key or off tune. The joy my parents and siblings placed each year made us bond and i love each of them to bi